if it's not the right person, it'll never be enough

It's Monday and my heart is crying so loud inside. Doesn't matter what I did, it'll never be enough. I did so much for him. I swear. I gave him my everything. I did everything for him. I drove miles for him, I spent so much for him, and still, it's not enough. I swear my eyes are all teary right now. Can't help it. Why can't he see that? I mean I know he is just using me, I know that damn well, but can't he at least not making that obvious??? Why does he have to do me dirty like this??? Just so I know my place? Just so I know that I meant nothing to him? I know that damn well. I swear. And I know damn well that this is all on me. I'm the one who's been hurting myself. I'm the one who can't find the courage to stop. And there's no one to blame but me. God, I seriously can't take this anymore. I'm hurting so bad right now. This happens all the time. Why didn't I learn anything? Why can't I leave?

To think that not once he come looking for me and it's always me who reach out first, I am pathetic. I am. Please, please erase my memory of him. Please god please. He never appreciate all the things I did for him. He never appreciate all the helps. I know I've been taken for granted and I did nothing but let him.

I am pathetic.

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